Isaac & me

Wow...it's been a long time since i've put anything
on the blog.

It's probably time. My hope was to blog more often so i could jot down the cute
things Isaac does or says. But sometimes there just doesn't seem to be
enough time.

Isaac turned 3 years old last month. And I keep asking myself...where has
the time gone. It doesn't seem possible that he can be that old. But at the
same time...it's really hard for me to remember my life without him.

I am more and more in love with my son each day. He's 3...so there are
definitely times when we go round and round. :-)

Who knew three years ago this month...when i was waiting on my home study
to be complete.....i would be so in love with this little guy.

He's smart, funny, silly, sweet, stubborn, spoiled, amazing, etc...

My adoption story may be similar to many people in a lot of ways. The bottom
line is/was I wanted to be a mom. I knew I had so much love to give a
child and could offer a child a home, family, safety, security, and LOVE!

I knew a long time ago i would adopt some day. I wasn't really sure how
others would react to that. But once I got just a little bit of encouragement from a few key people....it was happening. I've always been like that...especially with big things....I just need a little encouragement...someone to say...yeah...i think that's a good idea...or yeah...i think you can do it. I knew I really wanted to. Just needed a little nudge i guess.

That was Christmas 2006. I knew during the holidays I would be starting the process soon....and could hardly contain myself....by not telling everyone. I told some people early on...but didn't really make 'the announcement' until March 2007.
I remember telling a group of girlfriends in the car on the way to our little
christmas get-together. I said something like i have something i want to tell
you guys. They were like....WHAT? As...that's not something i usually said.

My parents were very encouraging and excited. My dad was actually ready to
go to Vietnam as soon as i started the paperwork. They totally went through
the process with me. Going to the adoption workshop, class, and most importantly....going to Vietnam!

I talked to a dear cousin before the holidays even. I think that's the
conversation that gave me the courage to mention it to others. I left there
thinking i can do this.....i know i want to. So...let's just see what others (my parents and friends) think about it too.

With the above said....of course there was much prayer involved in my decision
as well!

I had always said i wanted to have this child before i was 38. So...at
the time...i was 35...so I knew too...that it was probably time to get started.

I met with the agency in January 2007. My son - Isaac Berke Van Hettel was
born in March. I first saw his beautiful face in a picture July 3, 2007. I got on the airplane December 10, 2007 and finally saw his beautiful face in person
December 13, 2007. We were offically a family on December 14, 2007. And we arrived home (to LR) on Christmas Eve 2007 greeted by many cheering friends and family members.

Let me just say I have been very blessed by Isaac's adoption in many many ways. The obvious of course...that i have this most amazing little person in my life whom i love more than anything. But also....his transition and adjustment. It has been so remarkably easy. I was/am very lucky! I know this is not necessarily the norm either.

I remember thinking in February...he's really totally adjusted. Then March,
April would come around and I'd be like...no...now he is. He wasn't really
then. Then August....no...now he really is. Basically it was a gradual thing
with him trusting and accepting me (and his family and surroundings) more
and more each day/week/month. But was so seemless...that i kept thinking
he was already there. I felt like immediately he was ok with me. Kinda like..
i'm not sure who you are...but let's try this. He probably sensed I was so
clueless and that it might be an interesting journey. :-) He hung in there
and so did I. And we are tighter than tight now!

Since my parents went to Vietnam with me. (this is their first grandchild)
and he has always spent time with them...i was secretly worried in the
beginning....what if Isaac knows them better (because they more know what
they are doing) and likes them better and doesn't bond with me the way he
is supposed to.

Since I'm single....our situation is probably a little different than most.
My parents are a huge help to me. They are always there to keep Isaac when
I need to work late, am on-call, need desperately to clean house, mow my yard,
etc... Isaac loves his Ninna and Papa so much. But i think he likes his
Mommy pretty much too!

I have learned that being a Mom is hard work! But I've never heard any of
my married friends say that it's easy. So...i just figure it's a different
kind of hard when your single. Logistics seem to be the most daunting for
me now. But like i said....my parents are a huge help. And really there
are so many people in Isaac's and my life.....who love him. I am so blessed...
he is so blessed! Family, friends, church family, etc...

I have learned over the past few years though.....not everyone is always
on your side....for whatever reasons. Should single people adopt. That is a
whole other long, long, long discussion...that i don't really want to go
into here. But just know that the family, friends, church family, etc.. I
mentioned above....they are the very ones....who can and have helped me rise
above that and trust in my heart as I know....It was God's plan for Isaac to
be my son and for me to be Isaac's mommy!

I went into the process very naive. Sadly, I have of course since then seen
different things that can happen. Our process was fairly quick and fairly
smooth. We just had a few little bumps in the road.....that once I saw Isaac..
none of it mattered. But now knowing what i know...I am just so thankful for everything that did happen and did not happen with our process.

I think you can call our story many things......wonderful, amazing, a blessing, surreal, successful! I go back over the process, being in Vietnam, coming home, all of our firsts, and all the other things since then....and i ALWAYS get so emotional.
Such a wonderful, wonderful collection of memories....that we are just adding to every day.

My sweet son.....tells me today (after i mention i need to get us some
flowers to plant). Yes...mommy. I'm going to go buy you some flowers. I'm
going to buy you some purple flowers at Home Depot!

Mommy loves you Isaac Berke Van Hettel (for ever and ever)!


(apologize if the above story is jumping from subject to subject. It's pretty
late and am of course getting it posted much later than I had hoped/planned)